By Cole Tomlin, Staff Writer
Hordes of toilet-paper-hungry mongrels have overrun every supermarket across the nation, leading to a widespread shortage of toilet paper and an exponential increase in prices.
Due to these shortages, the hordes have gotten bigger and bigger and way more aggressive too. They have literally fought old women over one roll of toilet paper when their cart is already full.
What’s even sadder is that toilet paper companies aren’t looking at the situation as a bad thing, they’re actually using it as a way to increase prices and profit off of these weak-minded mongrels. This has led many to believe that the toilet paper companies are the ones who first let these toilet paper hungry mongrels out into the public.
Think about it, no one said that we were going to run out of toilet paper, so why are we all freaking out and fighting people over a commodity that isn’t really that important? It must be the toilet paper companies.
Only the companies such as Charmin, Scott, Cottonelle, ect. are going to profit from these rising demands. Therefore, they must be stopped before their scandal gets too out of hand.
There is a very simple solution to this problem; stop being so selfish and ignorant, it’s just toilet paper.
These companies want you to freak out, so that they can make more money and the only way we can stop them is simply by not being selfish. For example, buying 6 mega-packs of toilet paper from Walmart is very selfish and it allows the companies to raise their prices, because they know that you will still buy them.
There’s another simple solution to this problem. Use literally anything else to clean yourself after going to the bathroom, such as: a bodega, a napkin, or even the shower.
My point is, if it comes down to it and there are no other options available, I would use an alternative to toilet paper, with minimal complaints.
Yes, not having toilet paper is “super” scary, however, it could be way worse if people started to do the same thing with banks and other more important products.
Imagine if everyone decided that they wanted to go get all of their money out of the bank, because they were scared about COVID-19 and didn’t know if they would lose all of their money, just like people did back in the Great Depression.
That would be very bad.
However, the scenario that was just described is very real and could happen at any time, especially if people continue to panic and turn into selfish, ignorant mongrels.
Junior Cole Tomlin can be reached at 21tomlinco11@daretolearn.org.
