By Bella Sarbora and Kira Walters, Staff Writer and News Editor
Every girl remembers sitting down with her mom, talking about her period and getting the classic “talk.” But the one that is not such a big part of pop culture is the additional warning about sexual assault, and what it means to be a woman in today’s world.
For centuries, women have been wary of men, and for good reason. Sexual assault and harassment is a wide-spread issue across the world. While men without a doubt experience sexual assault and harassment as well, women are much more prone to these violent acts. The CDC says 90% of reported rape victims are female.
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center website, 81% of women have reported some form of sexual harassment/assault. One in five women in the United States have experienced completed or attempted rape and one in three of those women were assaulted between the ages of 11 and 17. These are just out of reported cases, and most incidents go unreported.
Even with all the data and statistics and stories validating our fears, women are still told, “Not all men…” However, it is almost every woman experiencing this trauma.
There are so many things that women see as common sense, or were told from a young age. Don’t wear revealing clothing. Don’t get gas at night. Don’t walk around alone. Have your location shared with someone you trust. Be hyper-aware if anyone is following you. Carry some sort of self-defense tool. Don’t use substances around men you don’t know or trust. The list goes on and on.
Why are women vigilant 24/7? Because if they’re not, they might pay the price. One FFHS student shared her experience with substance use and sexual assault.
“He picked me up and took me to a cul-de-sac and we got really high. I didn’t feel good and I told him I didn’t feel good,” she explained. “He laid me down in the back seat of his car and I kept telling him I didn’t feel good and he was getting really annoyed with me. He pushed me up against the door and I told him I really didn’t want to do this and he said ‘You’re fine.’ ”
She thinks back on the experience in horror and disgust, wondering what she could’ve done differently, but she had no way out.
“I pulled out my phone to call someone and he took my phone away and hid it and I just kind of froze and sat there while he got on top of me and started touching me,” she said. “I didn’t say anything, I didn’t do anything. He was kissing me and I wasn’t kissing him back. I wasn’t moving and it didn’t last that long, but it was pretty rough.”
Some may view this encounter as an outlier, an anomaly. The fact of the matter is that a majority of women have experienced something similar. And all too often, as a society, we have accepted it. Victims are asked what they were wearing, or if they led them on, or if what happened was really that big a deal. Victim blaming and making light of the situation only deepens the wounds.
“I think about it every day. Everything reminds me of it. People make jokes and say things about it and they don’t really realize how it affects people who have gone through that,” she said. “I think it’s really detrimental to your mental health and I have been going to special therapy for it, but it consumes me.”
Rape and sexual assault jokes are popular today, especially among teenagers, thanks in large part to the rise of social media. Scroll through the comment section of a girl’s TikTok and you’ll read “she said no but I heard yes”, “I can tell she would want it”, or “she’s begging for it.” When a victim of sexual assault hears this, they feel disgusted. Not only with the person who made the joke, or their assaulter, but with themselves.
The reality is, this problem may never be completely fixed. Wearing less revealing clothes or carrying weapons will not stop the epidemic. All we can do is raise awareness. People, especially young boys, need to be taught that when a woman is reluctant, or hesitant, or unable to give a clear and sober “yes” then the answer is no, and that is the end of the discussion.
It’s worth adding as well that there doesn’t have to be a sexual encounter for a woman to feel unsafe. Many of our female Nighthawk News staff members have had eerie interactions with men. One was told “the holes in her jeans were sexy.” Another was called “a doll” by an older man while pumping gas. These women were not asking for it or provoking anybody. They were minding their own business and men took it upon themselves to make them feel uncomfortable.
Another First Flight High School student consistently feels threatened at her job, even when nothing comes of it.
“There have been many weird interactions that would not have happened if I were with a man or were a man myself,” she said. “One recent instance sticks out: I was at the front hostess stand selling this middle-aged man a T-shirt. I handed him the receipt and told him to have a good day, and suddenly he grabbed my hand.”
She tried to tug her hand back, gradually pulling harder and harder and asking the man to let go.
“He acted like he didn’t hear me, and then suddenly it was like he snapped out of it. He let go and told me he was just admiring my rings,” she said.
The mere fact that this student was scared and expecting something bad to happen is evidence enough of where we are as a society. Is there hope, however, that things may change as time goes on? Since the start of the #MeToo movement in 2017, more women and men are coming forward and sharing their stories, erasing some of the stigma around abuse. There are ways we can keep ourselves and our friends safe with new apps such as Life360. Every college campus tour points out the blue light markers that help students reach out to police if they feel threatened.
But there are two sides to every coin. That same technology that allows us to make sure our friends get home safely can be used to track domestic abuse victims. Social media offers an extra unmonitored platform for harassment to take place.
The only way to counteract sexual violence is to instill in today’s youth the importance of consent, respect and – honestly speaking – how to just not be a creep. Listen to your friends when they confide in you, and if you are the person looking for someone to talk to, know there are people and resources available to help.
Senior Bella Sarbora can be reached at 23sarborais62@daretolearn.org.
Junior Kira Walters can be reached at 24walterski77@daretolearn.org.
