By Reagan Bembridge, Special to Nighthawk News

A high school student gets picked up from school by his parents. They talk about their day, go into their warm home and are greeted by the dog. The student grabs a snack from the kitchen and goes into his room to start homework. The house is quiet, the only sound the light chatter from the parents in the living room. 

This is a normal routine for many high school students. For other children, this is what they dream of.

This dream is going unfulfilled for many kids in the North Carolina foster care system, as there is a shortage of homes available. More than 10,000 kids are in need of foster homes and just over 5,000 are available – math that doesn’t add up.

“There is a shortage of foster parents in Dare County and across the state of North Carolina. It can be very difficult to find placements for children who need them,” said Kelsey Fernandez, a social worker in the Dare County Department of Health & Human Services. 

Children enter the foster care system when their biological parents are not able to take care of them and/or they are in an unsafe environment. The kids are often in a place with no stability, mountains of questions, and new, ever-changing environments.

Making the decision to become a foster parent means bringing a comfortable amount of stability, climbing that mountain of questions and building comfort in those new environments. 

Social Studies teacher Amanda Robinson faced a number of challenges after she and her husband decided to foster two children earlier this school year. 

“When you look at kids that are in the foster care system, they’re there because there was a problem,” Robinson said. “You never really know exactly how bad those problems were and so, sometimes, it makes it really hard to react or to know what will make a kid upset.”

Amy Feltz, another foster parent on the Outer Banks, said providing a stable, predictable environment is key.

“Most have never had a normal routine, haven’t had any kind of structure,” Feltz said. “Just getting a normal routine: You get up, we eat breakfast, you go to school, we have dinner, we do homework … the routine, the structure is key.”

That sense of normalcy can go a long way in helping a child feel safe and secure, but for many, hard questions linger. And a lot of those questions can’t be answered, by the child or the foster parent.

“There’s a lot of uncertainty for the kids, a lot of questions and a lot of fear,” Feltz said. “I think they want answers, but we don’t have them.”

Many kids in the foster care system go through therapy services that are available to them as they adjust to a new outlook on life: being comfortable with the unknown, learning new concepts, asking for and accepting help, finding a support system.

The ultimate goal is to bring the kids and their biological family back together if/when it’s safe to do so. Until then, they are in a home with someone who is able to give that safe environment and provide them with basic needs. In the case the child is not able to be reunited with his or her biological family, adoption is an option, but it’s harder for older kids to find placement in permanent homes.

For the foster parents, they also experience a different outlook on life in helping these children find stability and enjoyment in life. While the number of foster parents is half what it needs to be in North Carolina, support from other foster parents and social workers is prominent in this community.

“It’s a whole community within itself and you really have to rely on each other a lot,” Feltz said.

That includes things like figuring out the holidays – a happy time for most children but one filled with challenges about new traditions, extended families, expectations around gifts and more for those in the foster system.

“The holidays can definitely be a challenging time for children who are in foster care,” Fernandez said. “It is often a time that reminds them they are not with their biological families. While they are cared for, safe, and are able to celebrate the holidays with their caregiver, it can be very hard for them. We do our best to make the holidays great for the children we work with.”

But it’s the everyday moments that can make a huge difference in the life of a foster child in the long run. Fostering is not easy and is a huge responsibility, yet it brings a whole different outlook as it fills the heart with joy – and sometimes heartbreak. 

Fostering allows a difference to be made in the life of a child who has gone through a grueling time. It opens the door for new opportunities and memories, for everyone involved.

“(Fostering) changed my outlook as far as parenting went,” Feltz said. “I thought I had to be like Martha Stewart: The meals, the birthdays, the house, everything had to be perfect.”

Turns out there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Success in the long run is as simple as love.

“While we can always use foster parents, overall support is also so important,” Fernandez said. “These children are resilient and wonderful and deserve all the support they can get! The foster parents do some hard, but great work.”

If interested in making a difference and bringing a child a secure environment, sign up for a foster class! Contact Kelsey Fernandez at 252-475-5524 (The next class begins Jan. 9, 2024).

Sophomore Reagan Bembridge wrote this story for her Intro to Publications semester project. She can be reached at bembridgere9700@daretolearn.org.